is it???? I’m hoping i will be done by 23, but would want some more extra courses in other psych courses before i do my certification.

But is 25 young?? really?

Hopefully before i’m 25 :)

Please? I’d love you forever, and It doesnt even have to be just an hour…

Can answer some psych. questions to the best to my ability if you want, not fully certified yet but getting there. 

And any personal questions are open. 

Anon or not <3

http://innerpain92.tumblr.com/ask

Its not therapy, i hate that they use that word because really its just handouts on tips, such as how to sleep better, sleep cycle, proper communication, anxiety, assertiveness. 

So first I just want to point out my group isn’t a specialized group ie. not for anorexia it’s open to anyone with mental illness (with a refferal from a psych.)

Well so today doing “check ins” were you update the group, how your sleeping is, eating (ovb. not an easy question for me) and any med. problems and plans for the day and/or week. 

So during check ins while going around the group one of the other patients I got really angry with and finally confronted her because she has been bothering me, and noticably bothering some of the other patients. 

I mean she went on and on about how I guess she supposdly hasn’t eaten in 7 days and all she’s put through her lips is ice and diet coke, I say suppodsly because i saw her downing two boston cream donuts before group. 

Know I understand anyone can have an eating disorder but this women is well over 200 pounds, and also spends all the sessions making the comment “ohh I’ve been through that too, oh i have that to” Some examples? -parent abuse domestic abuse -drug abuse- alcoholic -hooker and we have one patient that was kidnapped by his schizophrenic mother for a week or two, and she even had the damn nerve to say she was kidnapped also. 

And no this patient isn’t schizophrenic…i actually had her as a partial patient a year ago and the only thing she’s diagnosed with is bipolar. and this was just after intensive case work to diagnose her, so i’m thinking she probably hasn’t been diagnosed with anything new since.

So anyways, She went on and on about how its been a week since she ate, and how if she does eat she purges it…and this really triggered me, and honestly were not suppose to get that detail in group so I asked her if she could stop speaking about anorexic and bulimic tendenicies because there just a massive trigger. 

AND GUESS WHAT? 

She had the audacity to look me straight in the eye and tell me I know nothing about anorexia and she couldn’t possibly be triggering me, and I dont understand anything about eating issues. 

I WAS SITTING THERE IN FUCKING KID SHORTS AND A KID T-SHIRT BECAUSE I’M SO SKINNY ITS THE ONLY FUCKING THING THAT FITS WTF? YOU HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT BITCH. 

i’m sorry just grr, then i just made an off hand comment about how i’m not able to sleep much anymore and she honestly looked at me and told me if i did weed i would get to sleep. 

serioully wtf? grrr i’m sorry i should be more accepting because of my schooling in psych but just hoenstly? dont tell me i know nothing about anorexia, something that has forced me to almost loose the only positive thing in my life, made me loose much more then just weight. 

Does anyone else ever feel like it’s pointless to sleep? 

I’m starting to have partial insomnia again (sleeping only 2-3 hours a night) and it’s hard for me to even force myself to get into bed at night, all I can think is everything I could be doing, and how I’m wasting time by sleeping, I mean i’m not tired so why am I forcing myself to sleep by taking pills? I could spend that time doing psych. work, or spend it working out, spend it reading about psych. (i read psych, books for leisure, not just bc of schooling) 

Sleep just seems like a god awful waste of time, and then even more of a waste of time if I have to lay in bed for a good 2 hours just to get to sleep. 

i will get away from this ED. i will do it for my future psych patients, i will do it for my psych patients i am taking care of right know. 

I will do it so i can have a healthy relationship, so i can feel worthy of a relationship without abuse. 

I will do it so i will once be able to have children. 

I will do it so i wont have more perminant damage. 

I will do it so i am able to get my phd. 

I will do it so i can pass on my skills in psychology and recovery to others in my work <3

day in and day out. 

is my fear that i’m not good enough. that i wasn’t sick enough. yes yes your going to read this and tell me “you’ve been hospitilzed more then 3 times for suicide, you’ve gotten down to 65 pounds because of anorexia, you were 8 years old and tried jumping off your elementry school’s building” 

but i still feel like all these patients, all these case studies are being pushed in my face saying “your not sick enough, you have no right saying you overcame mental illness because you never went through it deep enough” 

trying to shut this thought up, and hopefully i wont GET worse. it’s just been on my mind and i needed to get it out. 

Know to go read another psych. textbook, one from the early 90’s (yes i have psych text as far back as the 60’s from used bookstores)

I’ve been obsessed with psychology since my first diagnoses at the age of 14…so i’ve been reading university psychology since the same age..

And i’m lately constantly freaking out because i see some symptoms of borderline personality disorder in myself…im afraid.

i REALLY want to just lie and say im not thinking of suicide anymore so i can get skinnier before i go back to the psych ward for a second time this year….i really just want to be 95 pounds again, and i really want to keep cutting. 

i dont want to go back just yet.